What does it mean to be sexual abused? Many people commonly mistake and overlook the definition and effects of sexual abuse. Becoming aware of the terms and common symptoms related to sexual trauma can empower individuals to prevent and report these tragedies as well as pursue counseling as a means of freedom. Sexual abuse survivors must hear: You are not alone. What happened to you is a crime. This was/is not your fault, and there is hope for healing.
Sexual abuse is: (1) Any type of sexual behavior or contact (2) that is unwanted where consent is not freely given (3) and is obtained by means of force, intimidation, violence, manipulation, treat, deception, or abuse of authority. The following terms display the essence (power and control) of sexual abuse and assault.
- Rape– vaginal, anal, and/or penetration by part of a person’s body, by object, without victims consent.
- Incest– sexual intercourse with a person who is a member of your family- any blood relative, adoptive relative, or relative by marriage or remarriage.
- Molestation– any unwanted sexual activity for the sexual stimulation of the abuser (folding, exposure). Even if the abused person’s body betrays them by becoming aroused.
- Child Grooming– the process by which an offender deliberately establishes an emotional connection with a child to prepare the child for a sexual relationship.
- Sexual Harassment– unwelcomed verbal, visual, or physical conduct of a sexual nature that is severe or pervasive and affects working conditions.
- Consent– the verbal acceptance of sexual contact and interaction. Legally, minors (less than 18 years old) cannot give consent due to their lack of development.
Symptoms of Sexual Abuse:
Children: Physical and Social Effects
- Anxiety or Panic Attacks
- Depression
- Shame
- Fear, night terrors
- Mistrust
- Unpredictable anger, aggression, rage
- Sexual behaviors
- Withdrawal
- Excessive need for love and attention
- Eating disorders
- Suicidal ideation
- Regressive behaviors
- Compulsive behaviors
- Somatic complaints
- Obsessive washing
- Pain when urinating (frequent UTIs)
Adults: Mental, Physical, Social Effects
- Depression
- Memory difficulties
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Substance abuse
- Dissociation
- Nightmares
- Eating disorders
- Inability to trust
- Poor self-image
- Anxiety disorders
- Self-mutilation (cutting and burning)
- Suicidal ideation and attempts
- Panic attacks (flashbacks)
- Addictive tendencies
- Anger and frustration
- Isolation
Adult and Child Spiritual Effects:
- Afraid of an intimate God
- Ignorant of the true character of God
- Don’t understand the grace of God
- Doubt God’s existence
- Feel rejected by God
- Don’t feel protected by God
- Harbor bitterness towards God
- Projects abusers attributes on God
- Try to earn love and approval from God
Sexual Trauma Cycle:
Men and women who experience sexual trauma react in similar ways to try and cope with the hurt which was done to them. Holcomb and Holcomb, authors of “Rid of My Disgrace”, identify a common theme found in the lives of the sexually abused. Many times victims find themselves stuck in the “Sexual Trauma Cycle” feeling helpless and in need of hope and healing.
1) Denial
Denial and minimization are key methods victims use to cope. Denial is a natural emotion, yet left unattended may cause more harm than help in the victim’s life. v Survivors of sexual abuse commonly dismiss the sins and wrong done to them by rationalizing the assault. For example, victims frequently say “Well, I didn’t tell him “No” when I was young so I guess I wanted what happened to me”. Therefore, denial minimizes the pain, anxiety, tragedy, loss, and distress which often results in isolation, fear, loneliness, and depression.
2) Poor Self-Identity
Disgrace becomes the core dimension of a victim’s identity rather than God’s given value, worth, and dignity. Victims tend to internalize the lies that they are foolish, worthless, defiled, dirty, damaged. This reaction fuels self-blame, self-hate, and self-harm. Typically poor self-identity underlines suicidal ideation. Unfortunately family, friends, and the local church can reinforce such negative self-concept by failing to react appropriately to those who report abuse.
3) Shame
Sexual assault can be a very shameful event in a person’s life. Shame is a mindset or perception of nakedness, rejection, disgust, defective and condemnation. Shame is also a social-psychological experience which fears exposure. This shame can propel isolation, need of control, and self-protection. The result from internalized shame influences victims to self-punish, escape through drugs/alcohol, sabotage relationships, control by creating eating regimens, and other destructive behaviors.
4) Guilt
Most sexually abused victims experience deep guilt which is accompanied by judgment and self-blame. Prolonged self-blame and guilt typically presents as fear, anxiety, stress, depression, anger, suicidal ideation, and self-contempt. Guilt is spread by the phenomenon of “culture of silence” which tends to blame the victim and encourage silence. Carrying the weight of guilt leaves the survivors feeling unworthy and in need to “pay for” God’s grace.
5) Anger
Sexual assault is evil and should elicit anger. Generally anger and rage may swell up against the perpetrator, parents, friends, self, church, and God. These emotional responses are used to conceal the hurt, loss of security, and growing fear in the abused person’s life. If anger is denied or suppressed bitterness, hatred, or vengefulness becomes sinful and destructive (Heb. 12:15).
6) Despair
Sexual assault victims feel trapped in despair. Despair is explained by feelings of loss—loss of innocence, youth, health, confidence, freedom, trust, and safety. Victims want relief, protection, hope, justice, and vindication yet feel they can’t have this because of what happened to them. Despair invades all aspects of life. If not handled with care, despair will promote feelings of powerlessness, hopelessness, and emptiness.
Where is the Hope?
The effects from sin and sexual abuse are certainly long-lasting and overwhelming. It is necessary that sexually abused victims hear that there are people willing to help. While sexual trauma is devastating and may seem hopeless, the effects of the Gospel are bigger and greater. Counseling is an avenue to meet victims where they need to be met in their hurting so that life transformation may occur. The effects of the cross move individuals from despair to hope and healing.
Effects of the Cross:
- Denial – Grieve the pain, loss, and abuse
- Distorted self-identity – Identity in Christ
- Shame – No Condemnation
- Guilt – Grace
- Anger – Forgiveness
- Despair – Hope and Healing