We all have experienced loss.  Whether it be friends, family, jobs, or otherwise, we are often bombarded by well meaning people telling us truth that we “know” but hearing it out loud provides little to no comfort or peace.  What seems to help in theory, but in reality causes more stress, are phrases like “well…you know in Romans it says…” or “I had a friend who….”.  They can often stir up feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt on top of the grief already being experienced.  The worst are the people who try and “one-up” by relating it to something vaguely similar in a situation they had in a high school basketball game or something.  As the shock of loss wears off, we’re able to find solace in those great truths of scripture.  Romans 8:28 can be a great source of comfort for people when remembering difficulties.  In the moment of grief, though, there are few words that need to be spoken.

As I’ve counseled more and more, I’ve found there are few words more powerful in crisis situations as “I’m sorry”.  In a culture where we deplore silence and fill every spare moment with some sort of sound, we feel the need to speak in to every situation.   One of the most powerful tools a person can use in a grief situation is silence.  It hangs in the air and begs to be filled.   That space is better filled with the grieving persons emotions than our words.  In a crisis situation, genuine empathy is more often felt by a hand on a shoulder, a look of genuine sorrow, or simply standing next to the grieving.  It is important to let the grieving feel.  When we speak for the sake of filling space, we intrude on the feelings of others and force them to detach from the situation at hand.

If you find yourself in a situation where silence is appropriate, let the silence fill the void.  Don’t speak for the sake of comfort in a generally uncomfortable situation.   Allow feelings to be processed and pray that God would heal and restore.  Thank Him for the future hope we have in Christ when all will be made right and there will be no more awkward pauses and no more uncomfortable silence.