I often hear couples that come into marriage counseling talk about how one or both have “fallen out of love.” They still love the other person, but no longer have that feeling of being “in love.” Being in love has a lot to do with the chemical reactions in our brain. When we feel in love, we probably have oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, and a whole lot of other hormones and neurological transmitters doing the happy dance inside our brain. So, how do we get those chemicals to start dancing again?

 

First, think back to when you first fell in love with that person. What did you do? How did you behave? What did you notice? Where you more attentive? More focused? Over time, it can be easy to get comfortable and change our behaviors. Want to fall in love again? A good place to start is to recreate those behaviors.

 

Second, how are your thoughts? Do you think mostly negatively or positively about the other person? It’s so easy to find the bad, that the good can easily be overlooked. Look for the good, don’t dwell on the bad. Focusing on the bad can poison a relationship.

 

Finally, couple’s counseling, particularly one that uses Gottman’s marriage therapy can be very helpful when a marriage needs a little more help. Every marriage goes through it’s difficulties. It’s what you do when the difficulties, or the complacency comes into play, that can determine the course of a marriage.

 

Steffani Wooley, MA, LPC-I

Jon