Unappreciated. I think all of us at one time or another has felt unappreciated. Think back to how you felt. Maybe you felt like why bother trying. Maybe you felt like there was something wrong in the relationship. Or maybe you felt like you’re doing all the work.


Feeling unappreciated can be damaging for relationships of all kinds. But before you point the finger at those that don’t appreciate you, I’m going to ask you to take a look at yourself. It’s so easy to get into a pattern, or a rut if you will, of daily business. It can be easy to assume the other person “knows” that you appreciate them. But this often isn’t the case.


So how do we change this? First, notice the little things. Did they do the dishes? Did they make the bed? Did they look out for you in some way? Did they get you a candy bar at the store just to let you know they were thinking of you? Let them know you noticed – thank them. Let them know you appreciate them. Second, going a little further, if they did something but it wasn’t done how you like it…appreciate them. Thank them. Look at it from their eyes; if you did something but were criticized for how you did it, would it make you want to make an effort in the future? Probably not. Finally, express your appreciation in different ways. If you know your person’s love language this is a great time to speak to that need. Give them a hug, a card, a verbal thank you, do something for them in return, or go out of your way to spend time with them. See, the cool thing about appreciation is that it usually comes back to you. Appreciating others will sometimes help them to appreciate you. Don’t take my word for it. Try it out!


Steffani Wooley, MA, LPC-I